This is a comic, over the top melodrama suitable for inclusion in a review or other situation where a short one-act play is needed.

Running time is about 20 minutes in a simple one-room set with three entrance/exits.

There are five male and three female parts. There is no opportunity for doubling up as most of them die.

The action takes place one morning in 1910, in the breakfast room at Groper Grange, somewhere in the West Country. It is early summer. Outside in the garden, the sun shines and birds sing - but even now, bursting into blossom is... the year?s first sweet shallot!

RUTH - housemaid, seemingly a village lass.


• SAM - gardener, a horny handed son of toil, especially the horny bit.



• BEAVERSTONE - elderly butler, eccentric, his mind mostly elsewhere.



• SIR CARDEW TWEEDVEST-GROPER - cartoon English aristocrat.



• HUBERT PARSNIP - northern industrialist, up from the gutter.



• MRS MAVIS PARSNIP - housewife, mother and secret siren.



• MISS GWENDOLYNE PARSNIP - sweet, innocent maid (oh yeah?).



• INSPECTOR PART ? detective, or Parsnip.

• Violence - Many of the cast are shot dead in the final few minutes.
• Mature Humor - Depictions and dialogue involving "adult" humour, including sexual references.
• Strong Sexual Content - A lot of euphemistic references to sexual behaviour and sexual promiscuity.